Studying

Yep, I forgot how much I dislike this.

I have my certification test at 2!

Its in the eyes...

Teaching high school has seriously opened my eyes.

First, my eyes were open to how "old" these kids are. They do things that I would have never dreamed of doing in high school. They say things that are so beyond what they should be saying. They act like they are little adults. They THINK they are little adults.



I remember in high school when students would say "Psha! I'm grown! My mom can't tell me what to do..."



At my school, we scoffed at these fellow students. My small private school was so sheltered that these kids really were just speaking.



But my kids here... some of them truly are caring for themselves... some of them really must be 'grown'... many of these girls already have children who are depending on them.



And it breaks my heart.



Their eyes are so... hard. Their eyes have a worldly knowledge, that I think my innocent blue eyes will never have. They have seen things, been through things (some of their own making) that I pray to God I will never experience.



But then you see their eyes again. You notice they are still immature. They are still insecure children pretending in a grown up world.



My cheerleaders last night truly reminded me of this. For as much as they talk... their eyes still have a scared look. They are still seeking approval, and there are times when their facade falls and you see their true selves. Afraid of not being accepted, afraid of screwing up, afraid of the world that may not have them.



And I realize....



They're really still the same as the kids at my small, sheltered private school. And my heart goes out to them. I know that I'm doing what I'm called to do. I am doing the right thing. I building tomorrow's leaders. I helping shape them, and I have to do my very best. I have to give them a safe place to put down their facades, to put down their masks, to open their eyes.



It's always there... its just in their eyes.

Isn't it Ironic?

So... As I sit and complain on Friday afternoon... Ben is out scheming and plotting with my sister...

It's true! Not all Lies and Deceptions are bad... Sometimes they lead to beauty!

I was to go shopping with my sister last Friday. Then we were going to go eat in downtown Fort Worth with another friend. But not until 7:30. That's late.

I eat lunch at 10:30... AM

I was hungry and beginning to get cranky.

We finally went back to her apartment from shopping.. so we could freshen up.

I was sitting and waiting on Amanda. She was brushing her teeth talking about how "B" was late.

Finally, she handed me her keys and said she'd meet me in the car... I stood with the door open talking to her roommate.

When I finally turned around.. there were roses on the ground outside the door. I quickly shut the door and shouted at my sister, "Something is going on outside your door!"

She asked me what?

"Theres roses on the ground! I think its your stalker!!!!"

I then creeped outside the door hoping there was no one there. I looked around the corner and quickly ran back into the apartment...

"THEY LEAD SOMEWHERE! I bet they lead to his apartment!"

Amanda and Abby, "Follow them! You're not afraid!"

I creeped around the corner peeking down the stairs.. The trail of roses led me down the stairs.. I had my purse up in my hands ready to hit someone if I needed to..

Then I loooked up and saw that Abby and Amanda were not following me... I looked at the trail of flowers and realized the led to the pool..

AH!

I quickly walked to the pool and found Ben waiting for me under the Cabana..

"Hello, Bright Eyes."

I quickly walked to him and he took my hand and knelt to the ground. He said..

"I tried to have our song playing, but it wouldn't work. I had a whole speech prepared for this moment, but its left my head.. But I love you and want to marry you. Will you marry me?"

I grabbed him and kissed him!

"You have to answer before you get the ring..."

"YESSS!"

Then he said some more sweet, sweet, wonderful things!

I love him with all my heart! I cannot wait to become his bride! I will spend the rest of my life loving him, laughing at AND with him, playing with him, waking everyday with him, praying with him, and just living with him!

I am engaged!

Learning...

Thank you, Kate Nash, for these words of wisdom... We all have to learn to be alone... and be HAPPY while we're alone..

I'm still learning this.

And I think the universe is Forcing me to learn it.

Dang.

"Merry Happy"

Watching me like you never watch no one

Don't tell me that you didn't try and check out my bum

Cause I know that you did

Cause your friend told me that you liked it

Gave me those pearls and I thought they were ugly

Though you try to tell me that you never loved me

I know that you did' Cause you said it and you wrote it down

Dancing at discos

Eating cheese on toast

Yeah

you make me merry make me very very happy

But you obviously, you didn't want to stick around

Dancing at discos

Eating cheese on toast

Yeah you make me merry make me very very happy

But you obviously, you didn't want to stick around

So I learnt from you

Do do do da do do do do do da do do do do do da do

So I learnt form youDo do do da do do do do do da do do do do do da do

I can be alone, yeah

I can watch a sunset on my own

I can be alone, yeahI can watch a sunset on my own

I can be aloneI can watch a sunset on my own

I can be alone, yeah

I can watch a sunset on my own

I can be alone, yeah

I can watch a sunset on my own

I can be aloneI can watch a sunset on my own